it’s me, hannah!

some of you may know about my friends, the straw family.  steve straw is a pilot for aviation medicale de bongolo.  i should say that (at the moment) he is the pilot.  his wife alace is one of the traveling chucks (see blogs from august 2011).  the straws are family to me.  visit their blogs, pray for their ministry!

steve’s plane has had some difficulties since it first arrive in gabon in 2009.  it had to go back to the states for repairs not long after arrival because of an emergency landing, flight permits are hard to come by, it’s sometimes difficult to fill the seats on the plane, etc.

up until yesterday, i had not set eyes on this plane — every time it happened to be arriving i have been absent.  earlier this week, i was sharing this fact with steve and he casually said, ‘why don’t you come with my on the flight this weekend?’

seriously?

i think i said something dorky like, ‘that would rock my world!‘

thus, the sequence of events that led me to my very first experience on a small plane.  enjoy!  (i did.)

this little ‘engine that could’ is drenched within and without in love and prayer — it’s impossible not to notice.

shiny.

nice looking airplane, eh?

i reeeeeeeeeally enjoyed being co-pilot.  i felt important.  (even thought i did exactly nothing.)

our ‘passengers’ on the first leg.

the nothing rising underfoot…

skimming the coast

not too shabby (this is where i LIVE!)

thin human wings

good old bongolo.

our ‘cargo’ on our second journey.

this experience was singular, strange and wonderful.  thanks, uncle steve, for my birthday present — it really did rock my world.

story 1: chisel

hannah again!

during the week of april 7-14 we were privileged to host our second team from f.a.c. in new jersey.  last april’s team was all men: something we’re not used to, and we certainly enjoyed their energy and passion for the Lord.

this year’s team was no different (except for the ‘all men’ part).  doug, the team leader, had done an excellent job of preparing his team for their time here, and i don’t think i’ve ever seen a team that prayed more than this one.  it was inspiring and humbling.  i’d like to share a couple of stories about their time here, from my perspective.

here they are, being their weird crazy awesome selves.

i wasn’t there when this happened, but was recounted the story later on: doug and ryan were in charge of a plumbing project at hope house (bless them!) with no prior knowledge as to what need to be done.  thus, a lot of their ‘work time’ was taken up with running around town finding materials and tools.  one tool they had a tough time finding was a chisel.  as they were walking back to the house from the hardware store, ryan looked down towards his feet and saw (did you guess it?) a chisel!  just lying in the road.

praise God — He knows exactly what we need when we need it.

story 2: bamboo chine

our scheduled ministry for thursday was a mobile clinic in a village out past bamboo chine; this is a village only 15 kilometers or so outside of libreville, but the road is bad, especially in wet season.  mama jeanine told us that if it was to rain the night before, we would find some other village in which to set up the clinic.  the chance for rain the night before was about 50/50.

it rained.

after some prayer and talking with the village chief on the phone, we decided to go ahead and try to get out to bamboo chine.  we had 3 4wd vehicles and God on our side, right?

o. my. goodness.  it was literally the worst road i have ever been on.

long story short — we sang, we prayed, we recited scripture the whole ride.  at moments, i could feel the hand of Jesus on top of our car, and before it and behind it, propelling us through the mire.  my faith grew a whole lot that day.

praise the Lord, all vehicles made it out without any damage, and only one flat tire amongst them.  even more miraculous: 22 people in that village prayed to receive Jesus as their Lord.

and as for all of us, we were full of praises for our great God.

story 3: clothespins

the last day of the week i went with joy and suzanne to pk8 church to hang out with some widows, who were seriously hard-core.  they had literally been there at the church since the day before, praying for hours upon hours.

joy did a presentation about first-aid and then she and suzanne both gave a testimony and encouragement.

we also brought along a craft to share — something that the f.a.c. ladies had recently done at their church.  it involved magnets, clothespins, paper and glue.  i was in charge of helping the women stick the magnets onto the clothespins.  joy had seen that there were a lot fewer women than we had planned, so she told me that each woman could have 2 clothespins.

the assembly line went along and as we neared the last row of women, my clothespins were dwindling and i started to worry that we would not have enough clothespins for everyone to have 2.  i really wanted us to be able to bless each woman with the same craft, so i started praying for a fish and loaves miracle.

boy, did He do it.  the last mama approached me and i had only one clothespin left — so i told her to wait and i stepped over the paper and glue table.  i asked joy if she had any more, or a sample one… she said no, they were out.  as we were talking, i scanned the table and saw nothing — then i looked again and there it was: one lone clothespin.  had it been there before?  i don’t know; but i do know that it was a gift from Him.

what are the chances that we would have the.exact.amount. for each widow to have 2 clothespins?  i’m no mathematician (…..or whatever) but i know that the chances are not that great.

it may seem like not that big of a deal… i mean, a simple craft?  but to me, it was huge.  i witnessed first-hand that God doesn’t just care about our physical needs.  He cares about our hearts.  He cared enough to ensure that not one of those sweet women felt that she got skipped.

that’s just the kind of God we serve.

<3 you, Jesus.

 

all this to say: leanne and i had a tone of fun with this team.  it was a great way to gear up for summer, and we felt so blessed by them in so many ways, big and small.  we hope they are doing well  – their “2-week post-trip debrief” is coming up this weekend, i think.  may God bless their lives as they seek to integrate what they’ve seen and learned into their lives back home.  may they continue to be changed.

hey there!  it’s hannah… and it’s been waaay too long since i’ve blogged.

i’m tempted to produce a list of excuses defending the lack of blogs — however, i really have no great excuses.  yes, things have been busy but if i had been inspired, there would have been blogs.  the truth is, i’ve just been in a kindof funk since returned from the u.s. in march.  the ‘blog ember’ has burned low of late.

BUT.

i’m taking a stand, and refuse to continue in this trend!  today is blogging day.

(side note: stay tuned for the soon-to-be-launched envision gabon website, of which i am web-master! *insert villainous laugh*)

nowadays are full of preparations — preparing for interns, preparing for dry season, preparing for our new vehicle, preparing the new dorm, preparing entry papers, preparing ourselves for the onslaught of americans (and other cultural westerners) who shall be joining us for various lengths of time throughout the months of may, june, july and august.

as my friends and family, would you please join with us in praying for these requests:

1. VAN: today, our intermediary for all the mission’s port shipments will have a meeting with the guy we call the “big boss” who will tell him whether or not this donated van will be exonerated from paying a very steep port tax.  if we do not get this humanitarian exoneration, we will have to pay upwards of $12,000.00.  pray with us that God would burn in his heart to have mercy.

2. DORM: pictured below is our future envision dorm in its current state.  the roof will go on soon, and after that we have no more money to complete the project.  pray with us that the Lord would provide for it to be finished so that we are no longer paying rent at our old center.

3. VISAS: to enter gabon, one must have either a visa in their passport or a piece of paper saying that they are authorized to enter the country.  a couple of our interns have been denied their visas.  we have attempted to call the embassy and explain why it is we are inviting so many people into the country — and have not had much response from that end.  it’s incredibly frustrating, this feeling of powerlessness.  we will try for plan B for those who’ve already been denied, but please pray that we (and God) can get through to the embassy in the states.  we need favor with these officials who are free to say ‘no’ without giving any logical explanation.

thank you for interceding on behalf of these requests and all who are affected by these situations.  we know the power of prayer, and are trusting in our great God, that He will do what is pleasing to Him.

hannah here.

have you ever seen the movie ‘the money pit’?  i’ve seen only parts of it, but enough to notice the hilarious and uncanny similarity between the story in that film and the story of the old cftac guesthouse/new envision staff house.

back in october leanne and i made some decisions that would start our move into a smaller living space on the nearby bible school campus.  we decided that envision would finance the completion of a new guesthouse for the bible school, and leanne and i would live in the old guesthouse after we fixed it up a bit.  we would then start construction on a dormitory in which to lodge teams, to be financed mainly by a very large donation from someone in the states.  (thank you, Jesus!)

at that time, the responsable of cftac assured us that finishing the new guesthouse would take ’2 weeks!’ (the infamous line from ‘the money pit.’)  well i can tell you as sure as i sit here right now, it is february and the new guesthouse is still. not. finished.

back in november, leanne and i gave our 60 days notice in faith that our house would be ready for us to move into by that time.  well, mid-december rolled around and it was not looking promising.  leanne and i decided we needed to take matters into our own hands a little bit.  we got permission to start moving all the furniture out of the old guesthouse so that we could start working on the improvements that we wanted to do.  as i sit here now typing in our new house, it’s not quite finished but it’s liveable.  and it’s cozy and cute.  we no longer feel like we’re living in a dorm, but in our own place.

see below some of the evolution that has happened:

our kitchen/living/dining room during painting process. (the blur you see is leanne.)

hallway before paint -- it is now a nice blue color. back then it looked a little like prison.

the office before paint -- note the sink, mirror and clothing rack.

living room after paint -- sometimes it looks like sand, sometimes more buttercream...

leanne painting her room -- it turned out really cute!

the apartment from the outside -- the bay window looks in at the dining table

claude -- our new neighbor/builder/big bro

my closet -- used to be blue. BAM.

office during painting. sage-y kind of green.

our first meal in our new place!

living room with furniture moved in.

my room! (messy already... heh)

our new front door -- so pretty!

our bay window dining area.

 

we are so thankful for everybody who helped us to move out of our old place and into the new.

things i love about the new place:

the bay window

eating breakfast in pjs

view of the sea

newly painted walls

just enough space

ocean breeze in the afternoons

quiet atmosphere

community of pastors and students who take good care of us

 

things i miss from the old place:

our guardians

bandit and gentille

privacy

 

please pray for us as we get used to a new environment!

please pray for the next month in the states!

please pray for me as i ponder, pray for and surrender my future!

hey there, it’s me —  hannah!

so in less than one week i will be traveling to los angelos, california for a week-long envision conference.  leanne, alace and i will be traveling together (stay tuned for a traveling chucks sequel!), though we’ll be missing our 4th chuck lisa and 5th (most recently inducted) chuck renee.  *sadness*

i am very much looking forward to the conference, as well as to the fact that afterwards i will not be immediately heading back to the jungle!  rather, i will fly to minnesota for some r&r, fundraising, hangin’ out and ………*drumroll, please*…………wedding cake!

yes, my good friend amy is getting married to a guy i hardly know!  (one of the tougher consequences of being a missionary.)  i feel i am not doing chris justice, though, because he seems like a real nice guy, well-deserving of a great girl — which is what he’ll be getting.  she asked me to be one of those who will stand up with her when she tells him she’ll be his forever.  my presence there will symbolically say that i support her choice and his, and i will support their marriage to the best of my abilities in an age when those vows are taken far too lightly.

amy and i met in college, and it wasn’t exactly ‘love at first sight’ for the 2 of us, but hard times really have a way of bringing people together, ya know?  so, we’ve been friends since freshman year.  we roomed together junior and senior year.  we’ve laughed and cried and slid down stairs in laundry baskets.

 

now, i feel the need to point out that this will be my THIRD TIME as a bridesmaid … and i would be lying if i said that fact didn’t cross my mind almost immediately after i accepted.

i’m not a superstitious person, or anything…

i’m just sayin.

hey there.  it’s me, hannah.

this post is simply a tribute to the women in my life (in semi-chronological order) who have effected me in some meaningful way — past, present, future. each, in your way, has a voice in the woman that i am and will be.  i’m sure there are many my memory fails to bring forward…

you are my rock.  my teacher.  my kindred spirit.  my wisdom.  my playmate.  my coffee date.  my inspiration.  my unconditional love.  my pee-my-pants laugh.  my conscience.  my thirst for God.  my blood.  my partner in crime.  my mentor.  my sandpaper.  my shoulder-on-which-to-cry.  my muse.  my pep-talk.  my catalyst.  my example.  my sister.  my warrior.  my word of truth.  my adventure.  my bosom friend.

laura hull trosen

emily suzanne trosen

grammy (suzie hull)

gramma (grayce trosen)

jennifer hull stamness

anna hull

aimee hull

danna hull

robin hull

chelsea brickei

sharie trosen stramer

marla trosen richter

jackie trosen smith

bev trosen beavers

tami stramer

janice cober phillips

amber evans maxwell

heidi holmes seawell

rebecca jane brown

ruthie fort hale

anna parker

susie roberts

megan lopez

lexi klenow

karyn resch

marissa ward armerding

beth o’dell

nell german

ella mae klaudt

kathy wornath

ashley joy dopp leach

elena brohmer

sarah degraaf

ruthie kim

ronda kimm

kimber cumby

madeline springer chavoustie

amy moorhead

kelly reeves

sarah luanne anderson stumbo

katie robinson

mandie holmgren almendinger

missy herrity

janice gingerich

heather sherwood

annalee june fuerst loeffler

azeneth gonzales

rachel horner

cherie hecimovich

emily petzel

megan peterson schreck

margo meisch matson

karen gustafson

denise hammer

shelly kraut

alicia trudeau lewan

deb walker

carol johnston

lisa nicky

alace straw

leanne barnard

<3

hey, it’s me — hannah!

so, once upon a time [the other day], i am driving.

[yes you read that right.  i am driving.  in libreville traffic.  stick-shift.  boo-yah!]

i am driving at night, back to our house.  on the bord de la mer.

and we get pulled over [which consists of a guy with a uniform, a gun and a flashlight flagging us down].

he comes to our window and asks for car papers, driver’s license, etc.  here is the moment of truth; i’ve never had to present my international license before.  we’ll see what happens.

turns out we have some problems.

#1 we’re not in our car so we’re not aware of the state of the papers — expired.

t o d a y.  it’s almost unbelievable.

#2 mr. military man doesn’t like my international license.

#3 he wants some money.  [36,000 cfa -- about $70]

#4 we don’t pay for anything without a receipt.

#5 he has no intention of giving us one.

#6 i have to pee.

aaaaand, we wait.

i park further off the road, we turn off the car, roll down the windows and get comfy.  at this point it’s not too late at night, and we’re in no hurry.

about 30 minutes go by.  dozens of other cars get pulled over.  they leave.  we stay.  eventually mr. military man comes over.

mm:  what do you wanna do?

h&l:  we’ll pay the 36,000, but we need a receipt.

mm:  you can get a receipt.

h&l:  oh yeah?  you can give us a receipt?

mm:  no, you have to do that at gros boquet.

h&l:  oh.  it’s probably not open right now, is it?

mm:  yes, it is.  it’s open now, it’ll be open til tomorrow.

h&l:  really?  great!  we can go there now?  can you come with us?

mm:  [seeming like he doesn't believe what he's saying] yeah, i can go with you.

h&l:  great!

hannah moves to the backseat and leanne hops over to the driver’s.  leanne looks at mr. military man and pats the seat next to her as if to say whatcha waitin for, pal?

he stands there not saying anything, looking like he’s in a real quandary.  i [almost] feel sorry for him.

mm:  you really wanna go all the way there, pay 36,000 rather than just giving me 10,000?

h&l:  yup.

he shakes his head in disbelief and hands us back our papers.  we drive away before he can change his mind.

moral of the story:  kill them with kindness.

for the love of christmas music of all kinds.  <3

10

michael w. smith — christmastime

[so epic.]

9

selah — rose of bethlehem

[their version of 'o come, o come emmanuel' is fantastic.]

8

george winston — december

[christmas doesn't get much more relaxing.]

7

nsync — home for christmas

[don't hate.]

6

josh groban — noel

[singing about santa clause -- in french.]

5

city on a hill — it’s christmastime

[reminding us all what christmas is really about.]

4

family force 5 — christmas pageant

[put your angel wings in the air/flap 'em like ya just don't care]

3

harry connick jr. — harry for the holidays

[have yourself a jazzy little christmas]

2

relient k — let it snow, baby… let it reindeer

[punk rock 'deck the halls' to 'good king wenceslas'?  yes, please.]

1

the carpenters — christmas collection

[it would not be christmas without this one... no offense, Jesus.]

merry CHRISTmas!!!

love, hannah

so we go to ospac — alace, leanne and me.  we bring sandwiches to share with the crew of the day, a kindness we receive far more often than we give.  together we eat our tuna and avocado, conversation pleasant and easy; we’re old friends by now.  on est ensemble.

leslie and her grandma come over from the eye clinic side, clearly distressed and emotionally fragile.  leslie, a shy 11 year-old, is evidently very sick.  her eyes are swollen, red and watery.  her exposed arms and legs are pocked with scars and unhealed sores.  aricain receives them in the exam room, and mama jeanine gently whispers to us (in english — she’s been practicing) that this little one has a.i.d.s.  when they come out, we’re going to pray for them.

leslie’s mother died of a.i.d.s.  leslie’s older sister suffers from the same.  according to grandma, the father has never ‘presented himself.’  grandma is alone taking care of these two very sick girls.  she has little hope that they will live to adulthood.

“it is not only children who are hit.  elderly africans usually expect their adult children to look after them in their twilight years.  but because a.i.d.s. is causing many middle-aged people to die before their parents, the elderly are being ‘orphaned’ at an alarming rate.  not only do they lose their main means of support, but they suddenly find themselves caring for their orphaned grandchildren as well.”  (robert guest — the shackled continent, p. 97)

they soon exit the exam room.  leslie sits and grandma, still choking tears, sits beside her.  mama jeanine, on grandma’s left, tenderly touches her arm and encourages her to be strong for her granddaughter.  this kind gesture has the opposite effect of its advice, however — grandma covers her face and cries.  loud, mournful wails.  in them i hear no hope, only despair.  leslie buries her face in grandma’s neck and the two weep together.  i know leslie understands well her situation.  my heart breaks and i cry with them and start to understand a little more of what ‘weep with those who weep’ is supposed to mean.

the strong group of believers i have come to admire so much gathers around these two broken children of God.  we hold hands and sing of Christ risen from the dead.  we share testimony of miracles.  we pray in faith and we pray for faith.  we weep together and cry to Jesus for the life of this innocent girl, who suffers painfully of her parents’ mistakes.  we pray for the God who healed lepers to heal again.  we pray for peace.

i don’t want leslie to think i’m crying to mourn her defeat and death.

i don’t want leslie to die before she can know the Jesus i know.

i don’t want leslie to die.

there is hope for the a.i.d.s. situation in gabon — i hear the percentage of those infected has gone down from 8 to 7.

and there is hope for leslie, because our God is greater, our God is stronger.  HE is able to heal.

i believe.  help my unbelief.

zechariah 3:1-4

then he showed me joshua the high priest standing before the angel of the Lord, and satan standing at his right hand to oppose him.  and the Lord said to satan, “the Lord rebuke you, satan!  the Lord who has chosen jerusalem rebuke you!  is this not a brand plucked from the fire?”  now joshua was clothed with filthy garments, and was standing before the angel.  the He answered and spoke to those before Him saying, “take away the filthy garments from him.”  and to him He said, “see I have removed your iniquity from you, and I will clothe you with rich robes.”

this morning i was reading, and this particular passage stood out to me.  when this happens, usually i rewrite it in my journal to meditate on it a little more. so, as usual, i did.  then i rewrote it again, like this:

then he showed me hannah standing before the angel of the Lord, and satan standing at her right hand to oppose her.  and the Lord said to satan, “the Lord rebuke you, satan!  the Lord who has chosen hannah rebuke you!  is she not a brand plucked from the fire?”  now hannah was clothed in filthy garments, and was standing before the angel.  then He answered and spoke to those who stood before Him saying, “take away the filthy garments from her.”  and to her He said, “see I have removed your iniquity from you, and I will clothe you with rich robes…”

and in writing it like this, i saw a whole new significance for me.  i found some truths that i need to absorb, truths that never seem to stick in my heart.

#1: the reality of the spiritual realm — satan (and/or his bastard minions) are around …  and they are fighting against every child of God.  i forget about this, though, because the sweat and the ticking seconds in every day keep me submerged in the physical.  when i get a heady whiff of the spiritual world (the really real) it’s like breathing pure oxygen for a few seconds…  it’s there that i can see that God is God and satan is an amoeba on a flee on a rat.

#2:  the Lord is the one who fights for me.  He’s the one who tells satan to go to hell while i’m standing still, trusting.  He’s the one claiming me as his daughter, even when i’m schlumped there, ragamuffin garments and all.  and this is what really gets me: He doesn’t clean me all up first and then take the stand for me — he defends me before and cleanses me after.  “while we were still sinners…”

#3:  i am a brand, plucked from the fire.  as i understand it, a brand is a metal rod, the end formed into some kind of letter or symbol.  it’s placed in a fire till it’s white-hot and then it’s used to burn the symbol of ownership into something.  a brand is just a tool.  it did nothing to form itself, but it’s always obvious to whom it belongs.  it’s also completely useless until it’s been placed in a fire.  this is sounding awfully familiar…  i don’t think i need to connect the dots for you.

#4:  i can do nothing for myself; i can’t even take off my own filthy garments.  He did it all, and it pleased Him to do it.  my fierce independence and do-it-myself complex sometimes find this hard to swallow.  i don’t quite understand why He loves me, and i don’t think i ever will.  i’m not self-disparaging — i honestly don’t comprehend God’s love for humans.  but i try to accept it, and let go of attempting to earn His love.

 

those are the learnings from today.  here’s hoping my heart will absorb them this time around.

thank God You’re patient.